So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
false alarm, still single
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
