he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My day in three words: secret purse cake
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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