Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's the barista slut.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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