I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why did my mother make you get naked?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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