Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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