It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
