Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
