Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
