I think my fart just growled at me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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