So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am never drinking with the goths again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
