It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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