You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
