Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
