you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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