You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
