woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
