I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
