Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Bring me that man meat
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
