Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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