I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
