A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
