My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
