What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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