i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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