Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
