Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
