You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
