Nicole vs. Life
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
