A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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