exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
