My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
