He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
