So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
