We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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