saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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