remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
