When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
