Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
