she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
