I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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