those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
