I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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