You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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