I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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