Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize