hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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