oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
