Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
