dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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