this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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