I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize