btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
