My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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