I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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