I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
