I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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