you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize