I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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