the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
