Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
