His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
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When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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