I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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