how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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