I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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