so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
