Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They took my balls.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Randomize
