I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
