Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
