i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Someone shattered a urinal.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
