I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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