After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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