her vagine was all disorganized.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
